A Day in a Bureacracy

Or Making the United Nations (UN) Work for You. These steps are taken from Glenn Beck's 2007 book, An Inconvenient Book. The situation: You're a humanitarian worker for Lativia's government. People are starving in your country and you appeal to the UN for help.

1. The UN charters you a jumbo jet to fly to NYC. It costs the UN: $450,000 (one way).
2. Meet with the Deputy Ass't to the Under Secretary General of Dept. of Management (DM).
3. UN officials suggest you tour Manhattan (via Helicopter).
4. Meet with head of DM.
5. Informed that DM is not the right agency.
6. Receive $50,000 cash for your "trouble."
7. You send $50,000 to Latvia via UN diplomats.
8. Latvia receives $12.59 in aid.
9. UN diplomats' offshore acct suddenly larger by about $50,000.
10. People are still hungry in Latvia.
11. UN Staff directs you to the Economic Commission for Latin America and the Caribbean (ECLAC)
12. Meet with ECLAC officials.
13. The UN is the King of Agencies with Acronyms (KAWA).
14. ELCAC officials inform they don't cover Latvia.
15. UN officials give you $199,000 cash for "their bad."
16. You send the cash to Latvia via UN diplomats.
17. UN diplomats obtain brand new Benz.
18. Latvia gets another $10.12 in aid.
19. People are still hungry in Latvia.
20. UN Staff directs you to the United Nations Population Fund Administration (UNPFA).
21. UNFPA recommends you decrease Latvia's population to increase food per person.
22. Population control.
23. UNFPA gives you $25,000 worth of condoms.
24. Meet with the head of the World Food Program (WFP).
25. WFP says will send food.
26. The UN flies you back to Latvia, on the Space Shuttle. Cost to UN: $462 million dollars.
27. 8 months later; still no food.
28. 1.2 million Latvians dead of starvation.
29. WFP releases statement: "Oops."
30. Civil war breaks out in Latvia; genocide begins.
31. WFP refers you to Security Council.
32. Security Council holds talks.
33. Security Council votes.
34. America approves sending aid to Latvia.
35. Rest of council votes against aid.
36. You plead your case again.
37. You secretly tell US to try reverse psychology.
38. Security council votes again; America votes "no."
39. Rest of council approves aid and peacekeepers.
40. You are appointed King of Latvia.
41. Peacekeepers rape Latvians.
42. You are publicly hanged.

Okay this was probably more humor than fact, then again...